Today just flew by even while I am adjusting to the no consistent sleep thing. I mean my 23 day old son and I slumber yet I’m nudged by a slurping noise to rouse every two hours and return with something tasty to drink. Darien’s internal clock is consistent.
By 8 a.m. we had hit the street in the jogging stroller that a small group of friends gave me at the baby shower last week. What an amazing flight of baby travel that three-bicycle-wheeled transpo machine is. I even started to actually jog at one point. Mostly though I strolled the intriguing streets of San Francisco in the Ingleside neighborhood on another gorgeous sunshine day.
And I will say that despite an emotional sense of a missing partner, I truly enjoy this cocooning time with my son. The last time I raised a family I had a few others around. This time I have more friends who are quite happy, capable, and willing to help, yet not that special woman. Frustrating, painful, and sad in a way. Yet life simply flows the way she does and acceptance is the key.
Apologies if I sound too zen, but I walked from my home with Darien in the stroller to the Borders books in Stonestown to listen in as Tess spoke to some of the tenets in Eight Steps to Happiness. She did not write the book but practices Buddhism with the author at a local sangha here in San Francisco’s Mission district. Calmly, of course, she spoke to us on how to cherish others and remove ourselves as if we were the center of the universe. All sound Buddhist tips. I always love listening to a wise Buddhist person because somewhere along the way he or she always says with total convinction, “And at heart Buddhist practices are so utterly simple, so simple.” Simplicity is what I strive for now.
During the reading, Darien slept in my arms, roused for a minute to ask for food, which I fed him, and then returned to deep beauty rest. This guy is good at that. He probably works in 20 or so hours a day, making allowances for feedings and stirrings to the world. Yet such focus is admirable. I am lucky when I can sneak in a one hour nap annually. How we change over the course of our body’s lifetime.
Right next door to Border’s is a Trader Joe’s and so I sneaked in with the gift cards I requested for the baby shower to buy something scrumptious because my good friends Carlos Hermosillo–a fantastic graphic designer–and his partner Manny were to stop by for dinner. I indulged my cravings for fatty salty goodies and bought their frozen mac-n-cheese. A bag of string beans, small packet of the apple smoked bacon, two packs of chicken drumsticks, bag of panko bread crumbs, and we were ready to bomb. Buying some other goodies like an amazing chocolate cake and exquisite phyllo pastry filled with feta and carmelized onions, I was curious how much could fit beneath the stroller. Guess what? We had plenty extra room after storing an equivalent of a full grocery bag.
The entire time I have been writing Darien has been trying to fall asleep beside me here on the cozy bed. Yet no luck completely. Mind you he is sound asleep yet wakes for another bottle, makes baby dream noises, and generally needs holding often. We seem to bound well so far. Sounds funny but my smell these days is too pungent for him. Sometimes stress and caffeine elevate my aromatic glands; so, I’ll need to meditate more and switch more often to Green Tea. Newborns thrive on your smell. Like a fingerprint, this identifies you clearly to soothe him.
My friends arrived and we enjoyed a delicious fattening dinner plus several hours of simply hanging out and talking about everything under the son. We have a great deal in common and those talks are fun. Now the time is 15 minutes after 1 a.m. and I am stunned that I am still awake and coherent enough to write. The energy of these days is a natural high, yet I need to take care of my own health, too. For example, I could sleep once in a while. To that end I depart.
